This morning, I wasn’t in the mood to write. Instead, I found myself spelunking through an old external drive, hunting for something specific: some old writings from nearly 25 years ago, little fragments of who I used to be.
And then, a folder titled *Arena* caught my eye. Teenage-me thought calling it “Games” lacked sufficient gravitas. I opened it, and there it was: my collection of favorite games — *Age of Empires*.
In a flash, I was back there again. I remembered my first encounter with *The Rise of Rome*, its demo tucked into an issue of *Chip* magazine[^chip-mag], the monthly bible for computer geeks like me in the late nineties.
The demo was a hard nut to crack. There was no Save option. Quit, and you had to restart from the beginning. It featured the First Punic War campaign: three missions, Carthage against Rome.
I spent hours wrestling with that campaign in a single stretch. It was then, though I didn’t have the language for it, that I stumbled into a *flow state*. I didn’t know the term yet, but I knew the feeling.
I can still feel the urgency, the way my pulse quickened as though history itself depended on me.[^hist-fict] The music wasn’t just background; it was the pulse of the game[^1], the rhythm that carried me forward.[^aoe-st]
**We all experience flow in different parts of our lives**: that intense focus when we’re deep in a piece of work, the way pages turn themselves late at night, or the quiet, almost automatic shifts of gears on a long drive with music and conversation in the background.
Today, decades later, I slipped back into the game and into that same deep focus, where time stretches and the world shrinks to the size of a screen.
When I finally closed the game, I wondered if we can step into flow at will. *Could we slip into that blessed state as easily as opening an application?* I doubt it. Most days, we live in the noise, catching only glimpses of that quiet current.
So I returned to the distractions of daily life, grateful for a few hours when time disappeared, when I was that boy again trying to save Carthage one more time.
[^1]: The sound designers of the game talk about the music of the game at [The Life & Times of Video Games](https://lifeandtimes.games/episodes/files/22) podcast episode.
[^aoe-st]: I still listen to the [Age of Empires soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5GIvUuQjkzBAESIAGlsHon?si=f16fde347a6747eb) when I need a boost of flow.
[^chip-mag]: *Chip* eventually closed shop and morphed into *Digit*.
[^hist-fict]: Maybe this is where my love for historical fiction began.